College Prep Starts Early
But don’t overstate the stress
By Jan Wilson
October 2007
You’ve read the stories in the newspaper; you’ve seen the reports on television. Maybe you’ve even heard about the neighbor’s best friend’s daughter who didn’t even get wait-listed to her 10th choice and yet had perfect grades, outstanding recommendations and mountains of extracurricular activities and charity work. As the college application season kicks into high gear, if you are the parent of a younger high school or middle school student, you’re probably thinking, “How am I ever going to be able to cope when it’s my turn?”
The good news is, it’s not as hard for your child to get into the college that is right for her as people would have you believe. The other piece of good news is that as the parent, you can control how crazy you want to allow the admissions process to make you, and what kind of stress you will allow it to place on your family life.
“I always tell parents that college is the cheese and cracker plate of life, definitely not the entrée,” says Arlene Matthews, a Fair Haven, NJ-based college consultant and author of “Getting in Without Freaking Out: The Official College Admissions Gide for Overwhelmed Parents” (Three Rivers Press 2006). “People are making too much of the whole thing. This has become the latest in a series of acquisitive, competitive parenting stresses.”
The pressure to go to the right college is very intense in the suburban tri-state area, says Michael London, president and CEO of College Coach (getintocollege.com), which has offices in Ridgewood, Princeton and Short Hills. “Our offices in New Jersey do very well – parents are very concerned about where their child is going to go to college,” he says. “The number one thing I would stress to parents is that good students are getting into good colleges every day.”
How Early Do You Begin?
Most experts agree that you can start talking about college with your children from a very young age, in a way that is natural for your family. “I know people who teach young children about college just by identifying them when driving past in their own hometowns,” says London. “For a parent, it’s worth the mention at a very early age.”
If you travel out of state, you can also plan to take your child on a sightseeing detour at the local institution of higher learning. Matthews notes that this is particularly important for the tri-state area child who has never really considered moving away from home.
“You need to give them the wider sense of the country and the world,” she says. “So many kids in New Jersey want to get into competitive schools in Pennsylvania, Washington or Boston. One of the best things that you can do for your kids is to travel outside the Northeast so that they don’t have to feel boxed in.”
Beyond the college visit, says Sally Springer, Ed.D., author of “Admission Matters: What Students and Parents Need to Know About Getting Into College” (Jossey Bass 2005), parents should make sure that their middle school students know that they can talk to their parents about college at any time.
“I’d take my lead on the student; it’s not unheard of for 8th grade students to say let’s look at College X if you are traveling to a certain area.” She cautions, however, that you don’t want your preteen to get stuck on one college too young. “Serious thinking about where to go to college needs to wait until later, so just keep the conversation open while they are still in middle school,” she adds.
Still, it’s not uncommon for private counselors to begin working with students in the 8th grade, says Michele Hernandez, president and founder of Herandezcollegeconsulting.com and the author of several books about college. “Parents don’t realize that there is no magic formula for getting kids into college. “You can’t make a kid into a scholar overnight,” she says. “When I start with someone in the 8th grade, it is a process – it takes time. Your child’s interests change over time and they mature over time.”
She adds that by the end of middle school, there’s still time to catch up if a student is lagging behind, or not taking a rigorous enough course load. “You shouldn’t wait until the month before the SATs to discover that your child should be reading more. You need to concentrate on course selection. I like working with kids in 8th and 9th grades because I can also make sure that they pick the best summer programs that are in line with their interests.”
What is clear is that your middle school student should be taking the most demanding academic load possible, given their inherent skills, so that they do not prematurely close the door on the shot at a top college. “You need to make sure that you keep a child on a college prep curriculum,” says Springer. “If the kid is capable of doing it, but says, they don’t want to take a foreign language, for instance, encourage them to stick with it. The biggest mistake is cutting off options too soon by not taking the right courses.”
What About the Tests?
Despite recent controversy about the SAT, the reality is that most colleges still look at the scores, and most college-bound students still take the SAT or ACT. In the last 20 years, there has been an explosion of programs designed to coach students on these standardized tests. Brandon Jones, national director of SAT and ACT programs for Kaplan Test Prep and Admissions, says students who ignore the proper scheduling of these tests, and the precursor PSAT, are at a disadvantage. “The most important thing that admissions counselors look at are the grades in college prep courses, but the second most important are test scores,” he says. “You are likely to score higher on the SAT if you have already taken the PSAT.” He notes that many schools are starting to offer the PSATs to freshman and sophomores, and, if your student feels that he is ready, there is no harm in taking it then, although he will have to retake it in his junior year in order to have the scores count toward the National Merit and other scholarships.
Jones notes that because the PSAT isn’t required, some parents think that if their student won’t be in the highest percentiles and qualify for a scholarship, they just shouldn’t take it. “But the psychological importance of taking this test should not be underestimated,” says Jones. He adds that because the SAT is now almost four hours long, it is likely the longest test that many students have ever taken in one sitting. “Everyone knows that you don’t prepare for a marathon y running one mile races,” he says. “In the same way, your students should prepare for the SAT by taking a series of free practices tests, and availing themselves of whatever resources are available for helping them get more experience and comfort with the test.”
Stress, What Stress?
If there is one thing that parents and kids worry about, it is how stressful and competitive the college process can be, particularly if it seems as though everyone in your child’s school is applying to a handful of places. But experts say it’s not the name of the school that counts, but the fit for your child. “My concern when I work with children is the fit, not the prestige,” says Hernandez. “You could get into a top college that is absolutely right for you, but may not be in the Ivy League.”
Adds London, you shouldn’t be so quick to believe that all the top schools are impossible to get into, no matter what your friends and other parents are telling you. “Although there are examples of people that they have in their heads – ‘my friend’s daughter was a genius and she didn’t get into Princeton’ – maybe that’s true but maybe you don’t know the whole story,” he says. “Maybe that student didn’t do well on the application, or maybe she had other academic problems. Good kids get into good schools every year.”
Matthews notes that you also don’t want to turn the college search time into one where you and your child are at each other’s throats. “I see parents coming to the end of middle school thinking that their kids’ childhood is over,” she says. “Parents shouldn’t wish their children’s high school years away by focusing only on future goals because you are training your kids to never appreciate and make the most of the present moment. It’s very important when they go to high school that they appreciate their time there and learn about what they like.”
Finally, a little perspective helps, says Springer. “People are surprised to learn that there are only about 150 colleges in the United States that accept less than 50 percent of those who apply,” she says. “And depending on how you calculate it, there are at least 2,100 four year colleges. It’s only hard for kids to ‘get into college’ because they all seem to want to get into a college that it is hard to get into.”
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